Saturday, January 8, 2011
measuring up
so i usually don't post about my feelings... but for some reason I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with them.. :0 yes i already know this is the last thing you wanna do when your feeling emotional, BUT.. im doing it. ;) okay so here are my feelings.. two babies are hard, postpartum is ugly, I suck at keeping my apartment in perfect order, I'm NOT a good cook, Keira still doesn't know I'm mama, I haven't showered for two days, I'm not very smart, I have no friends, I hate making friends.. and I haven't brushed my teeth today! I could keep going, but I don't want to sounds to negative! But lately all these things have made me feel like such a failure. Yes this is how i feel, but i know its not true. Someone that i really look up to explained how Satan tells us so many lies to make us feel inadequate. and I fall for it sometimes, all the time actually. I think a lot of us do. I wish I could be stronger in a lot of aspects of my life. The thing that matters really is that I'm trying... and if I'm not happy with where I am then i need to try harder. That doesn't mean I failed or I'm failing, just that i can do better. I have been so very very blessed in my life with an amazing husband and kids. I want to be my best for them. So as part as my new years resolution I'm going to be a better me. I'm going to reach out to to others, I'm going to make dinner 3 nights a week (even if its gross). I'm going to write in my journal more, read the book of Mormon for the first time, and of course lose 20 lbs. I'm excited for this next year... kinda nervous of what it will bring. 2008 got married, 2009 had Keira, 2010 had Lincoln, 2011...? who knows. :)
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first off, you're an amazing person, friend, mother, and daughter of God! Those baby blues times are hard, I had it bad after sophia too! And I just want you to know you can call me anytime or come over anytime. I seriously sit here all day, some days, and i'm going crazy. haha.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about life being perfect, it's not ever going to be. I don't even apologize if my house is a mess anymore when people come over. If people expect moms to be perfect, they are screwed up and obviously are just as stressed out as anyone else... haha. ;) Have fun with your sweet babies. Life goes by to fast to worry about the small things.
ps. when I had sophia I went like a week without taking a shower or getting ready or anything. haha. once he gets a little older and you have a routine down it will all be good.
Charmaine, I know how you feel. I'm going through the exact same thing, but I only have one baby. You're doing a great job with your little family. Just keep reminding yourself that you are a good mother and wife.
ReplyDeleteI miss you guys. I'm going to come see you this week sometime. I'll text you when I can and we'll plan for some fun, ok. Love you guys.
Ps- I totally agree. Don't worry about being perfect. Just have fun with your angels.
Hey old OG buddy! So please don't feel creeped out that I found your blog through facebook. :) I'm usually not one to comment on blogs but your post just hit way close to home and made me want to live close to you so that our little ones (and us) could be BFFs. My Landon and your Keira are about the same age and so are my Liam and your Lincoln and since we have youngins so close together, I feel like sometimes, we need our own special support group. I know you have unique hardships on top of it all but just know that I hear you and went through/am going through similar feelings. Thank goodness for great husbands and the Gospel. I'm totally rambling and need to take my own advice but just know that you're wonderful and as long as your babies are loved, you are doing a great job. :-)
ReplyDeleteHey sister! I love you! Who cares about cooking? Who cares about a perfectly put together home? Who cares about letting a child sit in a dirty diaper for a couple minutes... okay maybe an hour so you can feed the other child.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard as hell to just keep going and not looking forward to some instant reward or a great night away from the kids. I know just how you feel. I think I'm at the numbing stage of it at this point though. I'm at the throwing my hands in the air and saying "oh well, I tired." lol! I love you!
You are such a good mom. You are such an amazing person. You are the best sister. You are a very smart woman! You are a very mature and realistic woman. You are my favorite person to be around... EVER! I love you! You are so much better than you think you are.